Replacing A Mazda 323 Bumper

When it comes to most things that seem difficult, there is often a trick to doing it that makes it a lot easier. So first I will explain how I stumbled around and then I will give you the trick. So if you just want to know how to do it then feel free to skip the exposition.

When I removed the bumper, I did not remove the lights, so I had to crawl under the car and get my dainty hand into tight spaces to remove the bolts. It was a labour of extreme frustration. I knew I was doing something wrong, because there was no way a large-handed mechanic could have used my approach. If half of the bumper in question had not been cracked and hanging to the ground then it would have been nearly impossible.

So flashback to last week Thursday.  I woke up around six in the morning, parked my car in the garage, and just stared at the car for a while. With just the side lights removed, I realized there was still not enough space to put the bolts in, so I removed the headlights as well. I spent an hour struggling with the bumper and getting it to fit onto the brackets; but one of the was bent, which made things even more difficult. I even removed one, tried to hammer it straight (which only resulted in chipping the cement floor). After I put the bracket back on and got two bolts in I realized that I had been a massive berk the entire time. I just had to remove the bracket and then it was a dream to attach it to the bumper. Putting the bracket onto the body of the car was as easy as outrunning a toddler in quicksand. Once the bumper was done, all I had to do was put the light back on and sit back with personal admiration.

Now for the tech stuff. On a Mazda 323 the bumper is bolted at four points to a bracket that is screwed onto the body of the car. To get to the bracket you need to remove the lights. So pop the hood and have at it. The first lights you will need to remove the side lights: unscrew the plastic bit under the headlight (I don't know if it has a technical name) then the headlights themselves. Now when you look down you will be able to see the bracket clearly, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. First you have to unscrew and unbolt the sides of the bumper which, if you look at from underneath, should be quite clear. Once the brackets have been unscrewed  the bumper will be off. Then just remove the brackets, put them on the new bumper and reverse the steps. No big shake. It should take just under an hour, perhaps a bit longer if you are doing it for the first time. You will need a 14 and a ten ratchet and a Phillips screwdriver. If you can find some one to occasionally bring you coffee while you work, that would be ideal.  If you take spray painting out of the equation, this will take a R1500 job and turn it into a R300 job. I know I don't have an extra R1200 just lying around, so if you are strapped for cash then this is a great way to save money.

The car in the garage, as if you can't tell

There you can see the bracket on the bumper

The new bumper on the car

Story of The Bumper and Stuff

Now as I have said, it was not in my budget to spent R3500 on fixing the car. So on Wednesday my father did a lot of calling around to find a place that had a a front bumper for a Mazda 323. Eventually he found one in Somerset West. He needed to take his Yamaha XS1100 in for a service at the Suzuki Shop in Grabouw anyway so the next day we left early to take his bike in and get my bumper.

When we dropped his bike off one of the guys as the shop told us about a place there in Grabouw called On Route that could help us. We though we might as well stop by and see if they had the parts we needed, as it would saved us a bit in petrol. Sadly they did not have the bumper, but I was able to get my right hand side light for R50 and the back light cover (which someone had broken while it was parked in Swellendam of all places) for R150. They also had an amazing scrapyard were you could rummage for parts that you might need. If I were the type of person who restored cars that would be like a scratch patch to a crystal healer . Already we were off to a good start.

We found the place in Somerset West, and got the bumper for R300, and a little strip of plastic that when under the light for R45. The bumper was black. I was in no mood to pay for it be sprayed to match the rest of the car and at first glance the black actually looked rather cool. Plus I saw a two-and-a-half story Iron Man sculpture. It was incredible, and made the trip that much more amazing.

Yes, it is as cool as you think it is.

On the way back we stopped off at the Grabouw Farm Stall and picked up some Springbok Pies. I know it has been said that Nanaga has the best pies; but that is an outright lie, a sinister farrago and just not true. The best venison pies come exclusively from The Grabouw Farm Stall. No argument. This is not a matter of opinion, or taste, its hard science. It falls under Piedology. Besides, it has become a ritual for me over the last few years.

Seeing as I had not slept the night before, I started to fall asleep on the way back. When we got home I made a valiant attempt to do the last of my packing but my body was having none of it. So I called it an early night, for the next day was bound to be brutal.

I feel so dirty for doing this. Must wash away shame!

Recap of Last Few Days

I almost feel like I apologize for not posting more than I post. This time the time of silence comes with very justifiable reasons. So let me give you a basic overview of the last few days before I leap into the articles explaining each step in graphic (maybe even sexy) detail:

On Tuesday my father and I hunted down a place that had a front bumper for me.

Wednesday we took his bike to Grabouw, and got the parts I needed for my car.

Thursday was spent packing up my stuff, stripping the front of my car, installing the front bumper and saying goodbye to my aunt and uncle.

Friday I said goodbye to the Hermanus family and headed off to Cape Town were I spent quality time with friends I had not seen in two years. It was epic.

Saturday I went on the Zombie Walk. Oh the pictures I took. If I said "Hot girl with fake blood", and you felt nothing; then you, sir, are dead inside. Dead; I tell you. Though not undead, because that would be cool.

Sunday, well, I have tied myself to the computer with snacks and Grapster (a mix of Grape Soda and Monster). Besides my friends are busy working on their game, and getting grey hairs over the Cry Engine. More on that later.

I hope you guys enjoy the slaving I intend to do today. I have so much to tell you and as always, I hope you enjoy reading the stories as much I did living them.

The Work Space

The view from my friend's place in Woodstock

Handy-Man Jai

When I titled this journey Surviving a Road Trip, I did not realise that I would be the biggest threat to the whole endeavour. For example, I was reversing my car out of a parking lot and bumped my bumper. The car is fine but the bumper is cracked, and it is not safe to ride around with a cracked bumper lest the wind has its way with it and rips it out while I am driving. So, I got quotes for replacing the bumper; and let me just say ... I cannot really afford it. So I found out where I can buy a new one. The price was under R500 -- now that at least I can afford.

So in order to put a new bumper on, I had to remove the broken one. Now I had never done this before, and I had no idea how to do it. Yet you don't know until you try. Would you believe it -- I actually got it off. Now there are few things I can do, and even less that I can do well. Mechanical things are on the "Do Poorly" list. So I spent just under a hour beneath my car, swearing in a very colourful manner as I tried to negotiate the screw which I assumed would remove the bumper. After I had to eventually make up my own curse words, I got the last bolt off. The result was me holding up the bumper as though it was Simba, and enticing passers-by to share in my triumph. Sadly, they did not.

To quote the characters from South Park, "I learned something [that] day." Just because you have never done something before, it does not make it impossible. Hell, you may even be certain that what you want to do is completely out of you skill set. Just try it. You might just surprise yourself.

Here is a picture of my handiwork. I realise that the image of a gutted car is depressing. At least, it is to me. So I thought I would add a picture of a boy holding a flower I took.